“Write me a letter for when it stops being now”

Could this story also be about the world cup?

Dear Pippin,

After you flew off so dramatically the other day to go find your world cup, I realized that you may run into a miscommunication in your search. Turns out the humans have a World Cup of their own, using two things we have never needed--a foot and a ball. Yup, it's called football. They take a truncated icosahedron and apply great force so that it flies and falls. It doesn't fly in a way that you or I would understand, but those poor humans aren't descendants of the t-rex. I think it's cute.

So let me tell you about this world cup. Whoever wins gets a big heavy trophy and I guess lots of money and fame, because humans are crazy for their balls of the foot (those truncated icosahedrons). The big celebration for icosahedrites, as I've taken to calling these folk, happens every four years. This year it's in North America.

So every time these icosahedrites get together for their big ritual, there are several subplots. These subplots often involve ridiculous names. For example, the 2010 World Cup had its icosahedrites dancing to the harsh braying tone of the vuvuzela, an instrument designed for its power to annoy. The same World Cup saw the jabulani, a specific form of truncated icosahedron that followed an imperfect flight curve.

This year's scandalous subplot involves a gentleman called Infantino who acts like a big baby. But he's not the main subplot, he just has a funny name. The main storyline this year has been watching people from the Rest of the World, who had only perceived and been perceived by America as notional creatures of flighty whimsy, encounter the flesh and blood and supersized fries of heartland America.

Now now my dear friend, I will not bore you with tales of provincial Germans stepping outside their dorfhaus for the first time to encounter a maelstrom of flashing lights. I am sure you have heard too the story of unlikely cultural friendships, shocked reactions to oversized restaurant serving portions, and the subtle irony of how, instead of an annoying sound, the instrument making a big hullabaloo on the internet is the beloved classic Fender. I know the grapevine extends to you as it does to me.

How have the icosahedrites affected us avian dinosaurs? Tell me, in your travels, have you noticed a change in packages and postage beyond the usual postcards expressing a wish that the receiver was here, "here" being the heaven of anywhere but the cubicle in which they read the desperate missive? Have these many thousand tourists brought with them new insects to introduce to the local biomes? Have you tasted any exotic sunflower seeds?

Speaking of which, I know you like to pig out before you go on a big fly. Have you noticed any changes in your flight patterns from the alterations in chartered and commercial flights? Cause you know, you ate so much I'm sure your liver's stocked up in iron! 😂😂😂 I'll bet you those World Cup people did not stop to consider how our flight paths get so disrupted by their icosahedron that doesn't even fly!

You must return soon though buddy. I found a whole sack of nuts and seeds in this prepper's barn, and I've been eating up a storm. Filberts, ground nuts, brazil nuts, macadamias, peanuts, almonds, there isn't a single nut that you can name that isn't there.

Gotta go. I'll cashew later,
Penny